The reason I haven’t been as consistent with this blog as I’d
have liked to be is because there are some movies I just fail at writing about.
A while back I saw a film called In a
Year with 13 Moons. The film is so heavy with psychological implications, sociology, and
visual inventiveness that I had no idea where to begin. Writing about the film
actually gave me a headache and made me want to cry. Horror
Express is nowhere near the level of the former but it did remind me of the
experience. What we have here, feels like a greatest-hits collection compiled from
other Hammer Horror films, I mean subplots and all
so in a way there’s something for everybody but I can’t decide whether or not
the whole thing is needlessly complicated. Either way its a trip.
Short
Version: Christopher Lee plays an archeologist transporting his new discovery via
train in a big wooden crate (wooden crates always spell trouble. The one time I encountered a large wooden crate I was disappointed to find it
did not contain monsters just a bunch of screws). His discovery escapes from the
crate and wreaks havoc.
Long
Version: Lee’s archeologist is kind of an asshole. In one sequence he’s told
there’s no reservation for him on the train and throws everything off of the attendant’s
desk. But his heart is in the right place, he wants to use the discovery to
progress the theory of evolution he also wants to be left alone. Everyone on board is way too curious about
his business though and he’s forced to deal with all kinds of characters.
Including, his colleague/rival played by Peter Cushing who’s friendly to the
point where it’s annoying. Cushing bribes people, breaks into other passenger’s
luggage and tries to seduce sexy international spies all with generally happy demeanor.
He’s also got an assistant who’s equally willing to help him with autopsies as
she is playing wing man. Additionally, there’s a sexy Polish Countess (whom
somebody on set had to be fucking because when we first meet her the amount of
admiration the camera lavishes upon her along with the romantic music that blares
is really excessive) and her lame husband. The two have a personal Monk
accompanying them as a spiritual advisor; he spends the film raving about Satan
only to align with the monster when he realizes the whole train is screwed.
There’s some other minor jerks like the police captain, the female spy, and yet
another scientist but nobody has time for that. But most importantly in the last third of the film Telly
Savalas shows up as an angry Cossack who beats the shit out of everyone and
throws knives at the monster. Savalas has 15 minutes of screen time but in that time he makes the film all about him. This is all complicated because
on top of all this, the monster absorbs people’s brains and if he chooses he can
trade bodies with them, like The Thing.
Carnage ensues.
Yeah I’ve
taken up half the review just trying to provide an outline that includes all
the main characters. But what’s actually cool about the movie is the monster
decides whose mind to absorb based on what information it needs.So all the different perspectives actually become a cool device in calculating the creatures next move. One of the
better jokes in the film is when the psychotic Monk offers the monster his
services the monster tells him that there’s nothing in his head that’s useful.
The take on the monster is surprisingly modern; see the monster is basically a
form of monovalent energy that has inhabited countless beings for
millions of years. It touches on the nature of evil as Lee and the Monk have
very different takes on the creature with the monk being convinced that all the
events are the work of Satan incarnate, I wish the conflict between the
theological vs scientific perspective on evil had been explored more. But even
the monsters design is ambiguous if someone saw a screencap of the creature
with its eyes glowing they’d probably assume it was film about demons.The monster even becomes clever enough con Lee out of shooting it Lee can't deny its still a valuable discovery, like Belloq tempting Indiana Jones to blow up the arc. Lee's character actually goes through a cool arc he admits his failures in the opening voice over and you don't realize the significance till some time is spent with the character and you see that he never takes responsibility for endangering everyone and continues to act like a dick.
Lastly, for a pair of guys who spent the bulk of
their careers as b-movie actors Cushing and Lee can really do a lot with
limited material. Here they depict a very specific relationship, Cushing's character is
basically a nice guy but Lee doesn’t care for him, but when shit hits the fan
they team up and presumably have a gang bang with the sexy countess. But my
point is when you watch these two you get the sense how comfortable they are
playing off of each other, the kind of trust you only get years of experience with
someone and it’s actually pretty endearing. There’s no way the ‘buddy’ dynamic
with the two characters would have taken flight with two random actors in the
role. Yeah they were just horror actors for a while but these two guys were
really artists. It’s especially cool with Lee that he’s found this sort of prestigious
status since his work in his heyday. I wish Cushing would have lived to
experience that for himself but there’s no doubt he inspired his share of viewers.
Indeed.
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| Dedication at the beginning of one of my first books on the genre |
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